Sometimes I really wish I had that typical high school boyfriend. I feel like I'm never treated very well. I want a Nicolas Sparks romance. Even though I say I hate love, and I never want to get married, blablabla... it's just because I've been hurt way too much. I do want to get married. I don't hate love. I'm a sucker for romance.

I honestly thought I was going to marry my ex. We had plans made. When I looked into the future, all I saw was him. He's all I've ever wanted. I still can't go a day without thinking about him. But I was stupid, and naive. I trusted him with everything. And that all got ripped away from me. It's been a year now. He's taken up a year of my life. And I hate him for what he's done to me. I just want to know what happened. I don't think I changed. I changed after he was already gone. I still look for his face in the streets, I figure out his class schedule every year just so I can get a smile and a hello from him. He wants to be friends. But I can't be friends with something that I'm still in love with. It just feels like I'll never love someone like I loved him, you know? I lie in bed every night and just relive every moment I had with him. The first time he kissed me... when he gave me my necklace... homecoming... It was the happiest time of my life. And I just feel so empty without him. I've gone out and tried to replace him. Force myself to meet someone new, go on a few dates. But no one can fill this huge hole in my heart. I lost not only a boyfriend. I lost my best friend. And that's something that I doubt any guy can replace.