It's 2 am. I'm up dreaming about my prince charming.

Ever since my dad announced the divorce, I feel like my childhood dream has been shattered. I want to meet someone who will sweep me off my feet and love me forever. I'm thinking I'm going to have to go back into the church if I want to meet someone like that. I look at my old parish and see all these happy couples. I say old parish because I haven't gone to church in months. And I mean months. I'm like that lost sheep in the bible. Yes, I want to get back into the church, but I just don't really know how.

I feel like I've lost trust and hope in God. I trusted him. I trusted that he would guide me through these shitty times, and I just. I feel so lost, and hopeless, and I feel like he betrayed me. I'm hurt that he would put me through all of this. He should have known that I couldn't handle this. I needed help, and he wasn't there when I needed him. I've tried praying a few times now, and it just doesn't seem right. I can't bring myself to do it.

I keep telling myself, okay, this Sunday will be different... I'll actually go to church this time... and then I don't.

I've stole and cheated and lied, turned to other gods, and just. I don't know how to go back. I don't remember how to go to confession. And I sure as hell don't feel comfortable telling a priest all this stuff that I've done wrong. I don't want anyone to know about all the terrible things I've done, because I know that they're going to judge me. I'm not a bad person. I've just made really stupid decisions.

But back to my prince charming. Maybe, just maybe, there's someone like my ex out there. I just feel like I'm never going to love anyone as much as I loved him. Idk. Going through tough times, as usual. And struggling to stay single.