I hide.

I hide behind this
broken mask,
this broken body.
I hide so that no one
can hurt
me.

They try to.
They attack
the shell
of me.
But since the real me
is hidden,
they never really attack
me.

I hide behind the fact that
a family member
touched me
in places
I did not want to be touched.
I was not even talking
yet.
When he stole my
innocence
away from me,
on the changing table
in my nursery.

Changing table.
That's ironic,
isn't it?
Yeah,
he changed me
alright.

No one knows
the real truths
about me.
I hide behind
scar tissue
and purple rims
around my eyes
from my nights
that lacked rest.

I hide behind the fact that
no one
will truly understand
how scared
I am.

I am afraid
of men.
I am afraid,
that they will corner me
and hurt me
just like that man did.
I expect them
to hurt me.

I don't expect anyone
to love me.

I expect every man
I will ever know
to lust after me,
but never truly
want me.
They use me,
and then throw me away
with their used
condoms.



My eyelids are
heavy.
It is 5:26 AM.

I will finally
find solace,
and sleep.