I know I've said it many times, but I'm just not used to the idea that I lost my best friend. I see her going out with all my other friends, hanging out and doing stuff that we always did. My really close friend and her just went out and got manicures. That was our thing. We always got manicures together. I just feel so distant from her, and I miss her so much. It's hard to not have a friend anymore that you can go to for whatever. I'm completely reliant on my boyfriend, which scares the shit out of me, because I know that someday he's going to be gone. And I will be all alone again. With no best friend. No one to go to. It's just hard, you know? I feel like I've just been broken up with or something. It's like a punch in the stomach everytime she hangs out and doesn't invite me. I guess I have to keep concentrating on school and just forget about her. I can't let this get in the way of my studies right now. I have two ACTs and an SAT coming up really soon, and performances in New York... I just have to push it out of my mind and keep going.