One of the most disappointing things in life is reaching out towards a finish line that has disappeared. Everything that was once laid out crystal clear in front of you just evaporates, and you're left with trace elements of what your dreams used to be.

But the beautiful thing is that nothing in life happens on accident. That red ribbon finish line was not meant for you. It was meant for someone else. God works in weird and strange ways. He makes you work and work for something only to yank it out from underneath you. He's not hurting you. He's not being cynical or mean. Sometimes it is simply the journey that is important, not so much the goal at the end of the line. I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. I believe in karma and fate. And I know that whenever something happens in my life that seems awful or unfair, that it happened because the universe and the Lord wanted me to experience this failure or let down or disappointment.

I realize I have a strange religion. I am Catholic and Buddhist. But combining these two beautiful religions makes for a more colorful world. I am not bound to one set of rules, but two, accepting and dejecting practices and faiths as I go. I create my own faith, my own mantra to live by. I know the Lord will not get angry with me. He is my one true God, but Buddhism is the way I live my life. Buddhism is so intriguing to me. I feel that it's looked down upon, that only crazy people actually believe in it. But it's actually so peaceful and reassuring. It's all about connecting yourself with the world and the universe. It's about living in the present, and going with the flow of life. Not to say that I don't stand up for things. I am a very opinionated person. But whenever something happens that is out of my control, I've learned to just let it go. I like to tell my friends that I live a 'no-fucks-given' life. And it's actually amazing. Once you stop caring about the stupid stuff, the world seems to lighten and open up underneath you.

I still miss him. But I'm getting better everyday. One day at a time...