Its amazing how I never react
the way I think I will.
I'll be fine.
I'll be strong.
And then it happens, and I'm not fine.
I'm not strong.


He has a girlfriend.


These words don't make sense coming from my mouth. Surely, I must be speaking of some other guy, some other past relationship. No. I'm talking about him. HE does. HE has a girlfriend.

I told my counselor that I would be happy when he has a girlfriend. I said I could move on because he's not "mine" anymore. But it didn't work out that way. I wanted to be overjoyed. Instead, I collapsed into my boyfriend's chest, breathing heavily, willing myself not to cry.

I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry.


I chant this in my head over and over. I look at his relationship status. Unchanged. He is in a relationship. And it's NOT with me. How could this be?





stopstopstopstopstopstospstopstsopstop
STOP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF.