How is it possible to love two people at once, and have a crush on yet another? I love my ex, and I love my boyfriend to pieces, and now I have a huge crush on my lab partner. I don't even understand how this is possible. It really hurts because I want to be there for everyone but I know I'm limited because I have to remain faithful to my boyfriend. Tomorrow is our six month. We finally had sex, which was a huge deal for us because he was still a virgin. My ex got angry at me because my boyfriend saw some texts he sent to me that were pretty crass, and he got freaked out and yelled at my ex. So now he won't talk to me. When I visited him during lunch, he just kind of stared at me for 30 straight minutes and then turned his back to me. I was like, well shit, when you're asking me intimate questions and my boyfriend finds out, yeah, he's gonna flip the fuck out!! For real. Pipe the fuck down.

Then there's my lab partner. This one really sucks because I don't want to like him!!!! My best friend was like "oh, your lab partner is kind of cute" one day, and then BOOM I noticed every little thing he does that's sweet, and he's super cute and smart and gorgeous, and I just can't even. pwerjnvcmpqoiwrns We've been friends for like almost two years now, and I never thought of him as anything but a really good friend. Now he's getting flirty (I think, maybe it's just in my head, idk) and I just don't know what to do.

My best friend is engaged. My other best friend's puppy just died. My mom got a job and then had it taken from her within 24 hours. My dad lost his house, he's looking for a new one now.

Lol sooo yeah, that's my little spiel about my life currently

#thuglyfe
#exceptnotreally
#kayimdonenow
#bai

To my ex best friend-
I'm sorry that you can't accept the fact that I can have sex with my boyfriend of six months. And I'm sorry that you're just a dumb ass. I'm sorry that you think you and your boyfriend of three months can get married. You're genuinely RETARDED.

To my ex-
Go fuck yourself

He thinks I cheated on him. He thinks I had sex with you. He thinks I'm lying and going behind his back to see you. She wasn't trying to break us up. She was warning him because she thinks I'm hurting him. You. You little bastard. You're going around saying I love you and miss you. You're going around saying stupid shit. Why do you have to tell everyone this. What the hell did I do I you. You are the one that hurt me. You we the one that left me. You decided that you were too good for me. I can't even believe you right now. You are honestly the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

I told myself I was done. Yet, here I am dreaming of you again. Holding your hand. Kissing you. I wish my mind would make itself up. And I wish it would decide to move on. I love my boyfriend very much. I only want to be with him right now. This internal conflict is just so stressful :(

I Forgive You

To my ex-
I forgive you, and I forgive myself. We were young and in love and oblivious to the hurt that was going to follow. You have said you were sorry. What's done is done. We can't go back and change what happened between us. Though we will never get back together, I hope that someday we'll be able to spark up a friendship to grant us a little more closure to the rocky ending that we had. You're a good person. You're just not good for me, and I'm not good for you.

To the girl who tried to break my boyfriend and I apart-
I understand you are just looking out for his best interest. I don't believe that you are trying to steal him. I refused to believe that, because I think that you are a genuine girl. He wouldn't think so highly of you if you weren't, right? I understand what you were trying to do, and I forgive you.

To my boyfriend-
I'm sorry that this weekend hasn't gone the way we wanted. I love you very much. I hope we can get past this rough time, and I look forwards to the many happy days that will follow.

All of the sudden the depression is seeping back into my veins. The negatively, the stress, being on the verge of tears constantly. I'm just feeling really down and hopeless. I feel like no one even wants to be around me. I feel so isolated. I feel a black curtain descended over my vision, that weird strain in my eyes to look around me. Everything feels different and strange. I hate everyone around me. I feel nauseous all the time, my jaw hurts from grinding my teeth. I'm hurting.

What hurts is I thought I knew who you were. I thought you were a sweet innocent caring boy. Could I really have been that blind as to what was actually in front of me? Or have you changed into the terrible person you are now? Whenever I see you walking in the hallway, my heart stops. I feel like I still love you. But maybe I don't. Maybe I love the idea of you. Because every time I actually talk to you I realize you're just a big douche. "I could make you cheat". No you couldn't. I'm way better than that. You keep telling me you're desperate. So maybe you don't even like me. You're just desperate to get into someone's pants I guess.

This is disappointing. I really thought I loved you.

What sucks is that I know you're not good for me. But that doesn't stop me from loving you to pieces. I know that being with you will hurt me and I know being without you will hurt me. I know that everything happens for a reason, but right now I'm not really seeing the reason for this pain.

The thought of being with you, being able to kiss you one more time, makes my heart flutter. But I know that that'll make me even more attached. And then when you walk out of my life for the third time I'll be crushed.

But the thought of not having you in my life is equally painful. I feel like you're supposed to be here with me.

So for how, I remain in love with my boyfriend. And I remain in love with you.

You taught me many important lessons. I remember one day I asked you if we were ever getting back together, and you said you didn't know. I said I hated that the future was so unsure. And you just looked at me and said, honey, many things in life are unsure. You're not always gonna know how a situation works out, or what tomorrow will bring. You've just got to keep going. Life is a huge maze of twists and turns that you have to figure out somewhat blindfolded.

And that was that.

I will never forget that. You are wise past your years.