My eyes are always twitching,

My feet poised, ready to run. 

I feel the adrenaline race up my arms. 

But am I running to or from you?

I want to run to you. 

I want to wrap my arms around your neck 

And kiss you 

Like I used to. 

I want to kiss you 

Until our lips go numb,

And even then,

I want to continue to kiss you. 

It's just so unbearable 

To be in love with someone 

Who doesn't want a future with you. 

Love is being lost in him.
Love is feeling safe and nothing but peace in his arms.
Love is butterflies when he holds your hand,
utter and complete joy when you make him laugh,
when you're the cause of his smile.
Love is kissing him,
and he expects nothing more.
Love is respect,
and holding the door for you
long after your first date.
Love is never saying anything mean to you.
Love is never saying anything mean to him.
Love is not sarcastic.
Love is pure.
Love is the truth.
Love is forgetting about the past "hims" and moving forwards,
because he is your now,
and you love that.

Smart
Level-headed
Tragic.


When I asked him to describe me in three words, this is what he came up with. Yes, am I smart. Yes, I am level-headed. But tragic? I'm tragic??
I feel so broken. I told him everything. I bared my soul to him. Why? I have no fucking idea. I told him everything. I don't know what I'm doing. Why do I trust people like this?

You are so in love with yourself that you neglect to love the people who love you the most.
Your mama must be so proud.

You are my happy place. 

Thank you.

I'm bound by the love I felt that day, in the heat of the summer sun. Pure ecstasy. Baklava, and other honey treats, the smell of sugar and alcohol. The summer air clung to my skin and I was alive. I felt the rush. I was in love with him, in love with life. And I was so alive. Senses tingling, heart beating fast with longing and desire. 

Love like that isn't meant to last forever. It's intoxicating. Consuming. Debilitating. Electric shocks aren't good for your heart. 

I still cry every now and then when I hear his name, see his face in a crowd. But I am blessed to be one of the lucky few who will experience a love like that. And for that I will be forever grateful. 

I'm sorry that he hurt me. And I'm sorry I will never love you like I loved him. You're a great guy. You're smart and deserving. But I'm broken. I'm a shattered person who is afraid to love anyone, because of the what-ifs. There are so many what-ifs. And with college approaching fast,  my what-ifs are just expanding. I find myself not even trying to feel anything anymore, for fear of what will happen when I'm not allowed to see the people I love. I'm slowly destroying myself because he destroyed me, and I must've done something wrong, and I'm obviously not good enough for anything because, god damnit, I'm broken, and no one likes a broken human being. No one wants to be the glue to hold me back together, and I need to find that glue because I'm running out of patience. I just want to be normal. Go back in time to when things were so much more simple, and brush you and him and everything I ever loved away, so that all that's left is just purely me. And maybe then I won't feel so broken. Maybe the weight of the world is what's cracking me, and I'm tired of holding it up. 

I'm sitting in my car writing this and feeling extremely nauseous because you just drove an hour in a blizzard to see me, and I'm just sitting here wishing I had never met you, never agreed to that first date, because with every hello comes a goodbye, and I've had enough goodbyes to last me a lifetime.