He said I couldn't get into Princeton.

This is my dream. This is everything I've ever worked for, the hours and hours I put into studying each week.

I will prove him wrong. I will get in. I will build a better future for myself and for my children.

Fuck you.

I feel myself slowly regressing back into the dark little world I used to live in. Things just seem darker now. I should be happy, but instead I feel stressed and absolutely hopeless. I don't even care about my homework or all the tests I have coming up. I just want to come home and sleep. I have no energy in the mornings anymore. Caffeine isn't even working for me. Everything that used to bring me joy has just kind of dulled into a faint feeling.

I don't like this place. It's scary, and I feel so alone and weak. Like life is getting the best of me and I'm slowly just giving in. I tell myself I have only two more weeks, but everyday just seems to get longer and longer, time drags by slowly, and the only light I have is my boyfriend and the few friends that I have. I've lost contact with a lot of them. I miss my dad. My best friend is long gone. I just feel really alone right now. Even the smallest little things annoy the hell out of me. I'm irritable and cranky because of my nightmares.

I just want all of this to be over with.

I feel so angry at the world. I feel so worthless and empty. I feel like I just keep fighting this everyday monotonous war to be better, smarter, wiser, kinder... and what for? So I can go to college and do this again on my own? I want to give up. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up. I'm hurting, I'm in pain constantly. I feel no reason to be here right now. I've been fighting for so, so long and I'm just tired. I'm so fucking tired of trying, of dragging myself out of bed every morning so I can go to school and put up with stupid people all day, stupid arrogant people who will mean nothing to be in a few years. I just want it all to go away. I don't want to try anymore. I come home and there's my parents, fighting, forgetting to pay the bills, to put dinner on the table. To take care of my brother. It's just too much. I shouldn't have to do all of this now. I'm 17. I have the rest of my life to worry about bills and work. My dreams are all messed up. I have dreams of death and hurting myself, of losing my job and having sex with random, messed up people. It's like my subconscious mind has gone crazy. Meanwhile my conscious mind is dying a slow, painful death.

You forgot about me. And in forgetting about me I almost lost my job... The job that is keeping your sorry ass in your house. I buy the food, and I cannot afford to lose my job you dumbfuck.

My body hasn't been taking the switch from spring break back into school very well. I'm nauseous and cranky all the time. Ugh. Please just let this day be over already

Sometimes I really wish you would come home. Sometimes I really miss having you here to tuck me in and snuggle my puppy when she cries for you. I miss our family vacations. They just feel broken and weird now because you aren't here. And we're not a family. We're just a dysfunctional group of people living in a house. There are no "parents". No one takes care of anyone. We have to fend for ourselves because mom can't do this alone. She needs you and she misses you. We all need you. And I know that you need us.

I wish you could love mom. I wish you could look her in the eyes and tell her you love her just like you used to. And you guys would dance around the kitchen and mom would kiss you. And you would snuggle up together on the couch, or by the fireplace. And you guys really loved each other and genuinely cared about each other. But then the fighting started. Dad would come home drunk at 2 am and mom would tell and scream and say you were alcoholic and you would say she had drug problems. She would storm off, or you would too sometimes. But one day you stormed off and you never came back. You just packed your bags and walked out the door. It's like you were never even here. There's no proof that you ever even lived here. All the wedding pictures are gone. All your clothes have been packed up and shipped off. Your toothbrush is gone. Your computer is gone. Everything is gone. You took everything with you and just up and left. And now I don't have a dad. I don't have a family. I don't get to see you anymore. I don't gets hugs and losses every night. I can't just see you whenever I want, and its tearing me apart

People always question me when I say I hate marriage. But this is why. I will never put my children through this. They will not suffer this pain. They will have normal lives. Either their dad will permanently be in their lives, or they will never know one at all.

Please come home dad.

You're all so dead to me. All of you. Whenever l hear a breakup song I have to turn it off because I can't relate to it at all. I think that wave of resentment and sadness is over. I think I'm free. I also feel very moody and depressed today. I don't know why, I just woke up hating my life. I don't want to do anything but just watch movie and eat. Yet I have chem due and it sucks :(