I am a sugar baby. I sleep with older men for money. I cheat on my lovely amazing boyfriend every Tuesday at 7 pm. How can I do this? I drink. I drink until I doubt my ability to walk, until my speech slurs so bad its almost inaudible. Then, when my emotions are dull and my intuition erased, I allow this stranger man to have his way with me for $1000 a month. I hate every moment of it. I just stare at the ceiling and wait for it to be over.

Why do I do this? I need the money. I'm saving to move in with my lovely amazing boyfriend. He will never know about this. No one will know about this. I will carry this secret with me to the grave. It's a little piece of me that no one can have. No one can truly know me. No one knows what I've been through.

I attribute this behavior to the fact that my father may or may not have raped me. This isn't an excuse obviously, but its more of a justification. I have daddy issues. I was abandoned by my mother. My job isn't enough. So I took on this second job. I'm very professional about it. I do as I'm told.

Someday I hope to never have to put myself in these kinds of situations ever again.

Until then, I'll play the hand I was dealt.

"I've got thick skin and an elastic heart."
Yes. Yes I do. No one will break me. Not ever again.