I'm sorry that he hurt me. And I'm sorry I will never love you like I loved him. You're a great guy. You're smart and deserving. But I'm broken. I'm a shattered person who is afraid to love anyone, because of the what-ifs. There are so many what-ifs. And with college approaching fast,  my what-ifs are just expanding. I find myself not even trying to feel anything anymore, for fear of what will happen when I'm not allowed to see the people I love. I'm slowly destroying myself because he destroyed me, and I must've done something wrong, and I'm obviously not good enough for anything because, god damnit, I'm broken, and no one likes a broken human being. No one wants to be the glue to hold me back together, and I need to find that glue because I'm running out of patience. I just want to be normal. Go back in time to when things were so much more simple, and brush you and him and everything I ever loved away, so that all that's left is just purely me. And maybe then I won't feel so broken. Maybe the weight of the world is what's cracking me, and I'm tired of holding it up. 

I'm sitting in my car writing this and feeling extremely nauseous because you just drove an hour in a blizzard to see me, and I'm just sitting here wishing I had never met you, never agreed to that first date, because with every hello comes a goodbye, and I've had enough goodbyes to last me a lifetime.