Saturday, August 31, 2013

By Rudy Francisco

Scars

One, if I could, I would nail these hands to the edges of stars I would sacrifice this body to the sky, hoping to resurrect someone that’s spiteful enough to not care about you anymore.

Two, staple me to a cross. Pierce my side with a broken promise and I will bleed all the crippled reasons why you deserve one more chance.

Three, loving you was the last thing that I was really good at.

Four, you wanna know how I got these scars. Well, I ripped every last piece of you out of my smile.

Five, I whispered you stardust.

Six, I spoke you into sunflowers.

Seven, I dipped my hands in forever, I touched you infinity, treated you as if you were the last molecule of oxygen inside of a gas chamber; I was good to you.

Eight. You wanna know how I got these scars? Well, I swallowed my pride and then it clawed it’s way out of my mouth and Nine, I realized that I was never really your boyfriend, I guess I was really just your height man.

Ten, I hope your next boyfriend gets small pox.
Ten Yes I said small pox. Ten, I hate you. ten, I miss you. ten, but I still love you. ten, it’s hard for me to count when I get emotional.
Ten I heard that over 90%, 90% of human interaction is not verbal..so..
Ten, if I could, I would tie your arms to a day dream and then auction you off to my fondest memories. 
To the new boyfriend

To the random dude who started dating my ex girlfriend two days after we broke up (yes, I read that on facebook). When I saw that you were in a relationship with the girl that I thought I would someday spend the rest of my life with, I walked outside. I said to myself, “There’s no way Ashton Kutcher is gonna catch me off guard.” I waited 45 minutes and then I realized, there hasn’t been a new episode of “punked” in almost three years, so I guess I’m the only practical joke in this entire situation.
One: The first time I saw you and her in a picture, I wanted to take my entire arm, shove it inside of the computer and snatch the happiness right off of your face. 

Two, if I ever see you in the street, I’m probably going to punch you in the throat. I apologize in advance.

Three, I’m sorry for hating you so much. And I know that it makes no sense to have this much anger toward a man that I have never met face to face, but my definition of love is being robbed in an alley 8 times in a row and hoping there’s something about today that makes all of this different. There is nothing logical about cutting off the most important parts of yourself then putting them inside hands that shake, that tremble, that crack like a hatian sidewalk.

Four, there is nothing rational about love. Love stutters when it gets nervous, love trips over its own shoelaces. Love is clumsy, and my heart doesn’t wear a helmet.

Four, cupid is fucking irresponsible, and I’m tired of him using me for target practice. 

Five, I was told that time would heal all wounds. But what exactly do you do on days when it feels like the hands on your clock have arthritis?

Six, she always wore her heart on her sleeve. So tell me, why do you look so familiar?

Seven, I think I’ve seen you somewhere in her smile.

Eight, I think I’ve heard you in her laughter, I bet if we dusted her heart for fingerprints, we would only find yours.

Nine, you see I have this envelope, I carry it with me all the time, it’s full of all the butterflies I felt the first time she relaxed the velcro on her lips and smiled in my direction. Most of them are still alive. I can still feel their wings through the paper. I suppose these belong to you, too.”

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Worrying...

1. I did not get a paycheck from my former job. I have $15 in my bank account. 

2. My period is two days late. And I'm not having any cramps. 

3. I have a ton of homework due in a week. It's kinda overwhelming. 

Monday, August 26, 2013

I feel free. These past couple of days for me have been weirdly calming. Yes, the depression still looms, there's still fighting with my mother, but he's gone. Out of my mind. I'm not hurting anymore, I feel okay. I forgive him. And that's that. 

Thursday, August 22, 2013

My mother expects me to do everything and it's just not fair. I don't have time to be superwoman and complete all the tasks. Sometimes I break down and I start crying and I can't stop to save my life, and then there's just more yelling. Be better. Be stronger. Stop crying. Fix your makeup. You have to be perfect for the world.


Sometimes I can't be your caretaker, mom. Sometimes the caretakers needs someone to take care of her.

Friday, August 16, 2013

I can't help falling in love with him. I don't understand why he is so special. When he looks into my eyes, I can't look away. My eyes are locked to his, his lips curving into a smile. His eyes grow soft and warm and welcoming, like open arms, saying "come here, it's safe here with me".

But I know it's not safe. I know his love is poison. It's blinding and abusive and unfair. In the end, I have to turn and walk away. And I can't look back. He's there. He's always there waiting and it's just not fair. I wish more than anything that I did not love him. I wish I didn't have to see him everyday. It seems that when they are out of sight, they're out of mind. I wish he would go away.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Have you ever wanted someone so bad it hurts?

I miss him so much. It's been over two years, and my world revolves around him. I try so hard to just forget him and let him go, but I can't.

The sadness just grows and the darkness sets in. And everyone turns the other way and pretends I'm not here. And I slowly fade into the black background. Into nothing.
I can't help falling in love with him. I don't understand why he is so special. When he looks into my eyes, I can't look away. My eyes are locked to his, his lips curving into a smile. His eyes grow soft and warm and welcoming, like open arms, saying "come here, it's safe here with me". 

But I know it's not safe. I know his love is poison. It's blinding and abusive and unfair. In the end, I have to turn and walk away. And I can't look back. He's there. He's always there waiting and it's just not fair. I wish more than anything that I did not love him. I wish I didn't have to see him everyday. It seems that when they are out of sight, they're out of mind. I wish he would go away.