Hi. I feel like shit. Absolute shit.

Nothing's wrong, really. I mean. I quit my job, but that's a good thing because I hate those people. I have camp and car trips and school. But I hate the world. I hate everyone. I am so angry at everything.

So yeah. I felt like telling someone that. So there you go.

Just curious, how many of you actually read my posts? No one actually comments or anything, but I see your views. When I started this blog, I never really thought anyone would read this. It's kind of just a vent for me when I feel that no one needs to here my complaints and whatnot.

I put in my two weeks at my fast food job yesterday. I am actually so scared. I hate working there, and I know I need a change, but this is actually terrifying for me. Last night I couldn't even sleep. I just lied there until like 3 am before I finally passed out. I hate change. It scares me so bad. My anxiety kicks in and assumes the worst of the situation, and then it's all downhill from there. Yesterday at work, I was trying to hand out my orders, and all my customers were asking if I was okay because I was shaking so bad.

I don't know what finally made me do it. I didn't intend to put in my two weeks on that specific date, though I was going to do it soon. I was in the walk-in and I just kind of decided. I was thinking, if I don't do this now, when am I going to get out. Plus I'm going to be gone almost the entire month of August, so it's not like I'd be working anyway. I don't know. I'm just scared. Has anyone else be in my situation?

The only consoling thing in this situation is that I know everything happens for a reason, and I know that God is taking care of me. Though I'm really scared right now, he will take care of me and make sure that everything is okay. I know that when the right job comes along, I will get the position. And I know that if the job is not right for me, it will pass on.

I hate my job, but I love the people there. Maybe that's why I'm so terrified. They're my family there. They take care of me, and ask me how I am, and make sure I'm okay. I'm the baby in the family. The little sister. All the of managers are my second mothers. It's really hard to think about my last day working there. I knew this day would come, but it's still awful to think about. August 6th. That's my last day. It's a Tuesday. My favorite manager will be working that day. She will come in and do counts. I will work line and drive thru. A new manager might come in to train. I remember her complaining because she has to do counts and train her at the same time. And then at 10:30, I will count down my drawer. I will sign my paperwork with the little heart at the end of my signature. Then I'll clock out and walk away. I won't be employed there anymore. I will be a former employee. The thought of this is numbing. I want to just cry and cry. But I know that I can't work there anymore. I know it's not good for me. But I'm so scared. I'm so so scared.

Please, anyone. Has anyone been in a situation like this before?

Back again...

Everything was okay for a bit, but as expected, here I am, crashing once again. Prepare yourselves.

I miss him like crazy. There's so much inner turmoil, that I'm falling into this dark spiral where I love him, but I hate him, and I'm so afraid of him. Every night there are nightmares. Sometimes I wake up actually scared for my life, and some days I wake up and I just feel numb. I feel weird. Last night I dreamed that I slept with him. I cheated on my own boyfriend who loves me and treats me better than any other boy I've ever dated. And I remember thinking, wow. I've had dreams about cheating on people before, but this time it's real. Because these dreams with him in it feel so real. It was like I was raped. I woke up feeling so disgusted with myself. I felt like I just wanted to fall over and die.

I hate work so much right now. I just want to quit. I don't want to be unemployed though, that's the terrifying thing. My mom's like, "just ask for your hours to be cut', and I'm like mom, the next time I ask for anything from those awful people, it's going to be me asking to be cut from the schedule entirely. I just can't handle their shit anymore. They complain about the stupidest things. The drama is crazy. It's so tempting to put in my two weeks like tomorrow, but I'm so scared. It's been with me for a long time, you know? I don't know. Maybe I should like post a yahoo answers or something about it. I don't like change. Even if it's for the better, it scares the shit out of me.

I'm just in a dark place right now :(