I'm starting yet another chapter in my life. And I'm terrified. Everything is changing so fast all at once.

I no longer have a best friend. I guess you could say my boyfriend is my best friend... but I don't have a best girlfriend. My former best friend has gone off the deep end. I don't like who she is anymore. I don't want to associate myself with her. I don't want anything to do with her. She's a partier. She cheats on her boyfriend. She's so insecure and gets upset over the tiniest insults. She cries whenever she's around me because I'm thinner than she is. So I'm done. I've stepped back and looked at all the signs, and realized they were all pointing in one direction: let her go. As scary as this is for me, I will hold my head high, and know that another best friend will soon come along.

I have cut off all communication with my ex boyfriend.

What I'm scared of right now is my emotion. I'm shoving it all onto a back burner. I don't allow myself to cry. I shove the sadness and anger aside and fake a smile. I feel like it's going to come back and bite me eventually. I can't even talk about my ex. It brings me to tears because I miss what we had so much. He was also my best friend. The two of them together... it was like the perfect support team.


I thought friends were supposed to be forever. But I guess things change. People change. Relationships will break and they will form. The world's going to keep spinning, and it's going to drag you with it, whether you want to go along or not.

I'm just really scared right now, with my therapist leaving and all. What's going to happen to me? So much change, and no one to go to. I don't want to dump this all on my boyfriend. That's just not fair. So i have to find someone new to trust. A new therapist. And I'm so scared. I don't want to have to explain everything to someone all over again. I just want them to  know me better than I know myself. that's what my current therapist does for me.

My dad's gone. Just completely gone out of my life, whether he likes it or not. I just don't have time for a family right now. I have to take care of myself, my room, and the yard so neighbors don't get suspicious. I have to keep the house somewhat clean, and keep food on the table for mom and me. Take Tia on walks, socialize with other dogs. All while balancing school and work. And my boyfriend. It's just too much right now. I'm under so much stress, I feel I could crack at any moment.

I can't crack. Not now. I don't have time to put myself back together.