I'm falling for you, so hard, so quickly. I'm giddy just thinking about you. For the first time in forever, I'm not afraid. You seem so perfect for me. I seem so perfect for you. You're the reason I get out of bed in the morning, the reason I sleep so deeply at night. You're the reason I want to stay awake, and feel alive... I feel so alive. That's something I haven't been able to say in so long. I'm honestly happy. My battle with my depression seems so small now. I feel like I have it under control.
You take my breath away... you're eyes are so perfect. The way you look at me, the way you smile at me... I could just look into your beautiful eyes forever. You make me melt. You make my heart skip beats. You're just amazing.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
I'm falling for you, so hard, so quickly. I'm giddy just thinking about you. For the first time in forever, I'm not afraid. You seem so perfect for me. I seem so perfect for you. You're the reason I get out of bed in the morning, the reason I sleep so deeply at night. You're the reason I want to stay awake, and feel alive... I feel so alive. That's something I haven't been able to say in so long. I'm honestly happy. My battle with my depression seems so small now. I feel like I have it under control.
You take my breath away... you're eyes are so perfect. The way you look at me, the way you smile at me... I could just look into your beautiful eyes forever. You make me melt. You make my heart skip beats.
You take my breath away... you're eyes are so perfect. The way you look at me, the way you smile at me... I could just look into your beautiful eyes forever. You make me melt. You make my heart skip beats.
Friday, September 28, 2012
He's so perfect...
It's amazing to be able to love again. I don't think I love him yet. I don't know much about him. But this is what makes it so perfect. I feel free, and light, and on top of the world. The sun shines brighter, I actually have a reason to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I jump out of bed ready to start my day, ready to see him and his bright, smiling blue eyes. He is the best part of my day. I just want to stay in his arms forever. <3
Sunday, September 23, 2012
"Everyone says love hurts, but that's not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again."
I found someone new. <3 Two things are going through my head; 1) Heart, prepare to be shattered, 2) MAN does it feel good to start over.
He is perfect in every way imaginable. He accepts me for me. I can be myself. I don't have to freeze up. I don't have to be someone I'm not. I don't have to hide anything, because he's there for me, and he just understands. He tries to protect me from everything. And he's just such a sweetie. His eyes are the prettiest eyes I have ever seen. They are light blue. They light up when he smiles, and soften when he's gazing at me. His fingers fit perfectly between mine, which is a first for me. All of my past boyfriends' hands are too big, or beat up. But his hands are perfect for mine. His hands are viola hands; long and thin, stern, and warm... just like mine. There is no awkward hand holding. There is no awkwardness. Just thinking about him makes me smile like an idiot.
I asked him to homecoming because I was getting scared that he was not going to. But when I asked him about it, he said that he was actually going to anyways. He's so sweet and innocent. He was trying to apologize for not knowing how to dance... and I was like, don't worry, I really don't either. I can also wear super tall heels and still be shorter than him, which is nice. I love the way I can rest my head in the crook of his shoulder, like I belong there. And his lips... his lips are so soft. He's a gentle kisser. He's a gentleman in every way imaginable. He's just... he's perfect. And I'm falling for him, faster than I ever could imagine. And I'm not scared. For once in my life I'm not scared, because I know he's going to catch me. And I'm not afraid to fall in love with him.
The way he looks at me takes my breath away. I hope we can last for a while. <3
He is perfect in every way imaginable. He accepts me for me. I can be myself. I don't have to freeze up. I don't have to be someone I'm not. I don't have to hide anything, because he's there for me, and he just understands. He tries to protect me from everything. And he's just such a sweetie. His eyes are the prettiest eyes I have ever seen. They are light blue. They light up when he smiles, and soften when he's gazing at me. His fingers fit perfectly between mine, which is a first for me. All of my past boyfriends' hands are too big, or beat up. But his hands are perfect for mine. His hands are viola hands; long and thin, stern, and warm... just like mine. There is no awkward hand holding. There is no awkwardness. Just thinking about him makes me smile like an idiot.
I asked him to homecoming because I was getting scared that he was not going to. But when I asked him about it, he said that he was actually going to anyways. He's so sweet and innocent. He was trying to apologize for not knowing how to dance... and I was like, don't worry, I really don't either. I can also wear super tall heels and still be shorter than him, which is nice. I love the way I can rest my head in the crook of his shoulder, like I belong there. And his lips... his lips are so soft. He's a gentle kisser. He's a gentleman in every way imaginable. He's just... he's perfect. And I'm falling for him, faster than I ever could imagine. And I'm not scared. For once in my life I'm not scared, because I know he's going to catch me. And I'm not afraid to fall in love with him.
The way he looks at me takes my breath away. I hope we can last for a while. <3
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Friday, September 7, 2012
I'm so tired of trying. I so tired of plastering a smile on my face every morning and making my voice ring with a fake laugh. My face literally hurts from forcing a smile everyday. I try so hard to pretend that I'm okay, that I'm happy, that everything is okay. But in reality, it just makes me feel even more alone, because no one can see through my mask. Instead, they catch my contagious smile and laugh along with me. It's like I'm just too convincing. If only people could actually see ME. No one knows me. No one understands me. No one understands that "Sarah" is just an act. Just someone they think they know.
It's so hard to pull myself back up after I collapse. I come home from school, and I let go. But even then, I won't let myself cry. I will not let myself just crumble. I just kind of disintegrate into a numb stupor. I know that if I let go, I'll probably never come back. I'll probably be deemed "psychotic" and locked away in a white padded room for the rest of my life. No one knows how sick minded I am, no one knows how I manipulate everyone around me. I plot against people. I plant ideas in people's heads to get my way. They think it was their idea. Know where I learned that from? Him. That sick bastard. I wish I had a gun. No actually, not a gun. I wish I could tie him down and stab him with a knife, and then twist it until he screams and there is blood everywhere. I could slowly kill him.Cut off his limbs one by one, but make sure that he's stays conscious so that he can feel every second of it. Make him feel the hurt that I felt. Because that's exactly what he did to me. Shoved a dagger in my heart and twisted. Slowly killed me. I'm just a ghost of the loving girl I used to be.
See? I'm psychotic.
I hate him for what he did to me. I hate his mother for pushing me away and not accepting me. I wasn't good enough for her. She probably manipulated him into leaving. She tried to manipulate my mother. But my mother saw right through her insanity.
I wish I could go back in time. I wish I had never loved him. I wish I would have said no when he asked me to date him, or go to homecoming with him. You know that saying, It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Yeah, well fuck that. I wish I never loved him. I wish I never even knew his name. I wish he was just some stranger that I never knew. A random customer at Taco Bell, or the guy at the supermarket that holds the door for me. Maybe just some asshole who cut me off on the road, or the guy sitting across from me in the waiting room at the therapist's office. Just a stranger. No one important. I wouldn't care if he got run over by a car.
I don't care if I never see him again. I want him gone. I want him dead. He doesn't even deserve to live. Not after he turned me into this monster.
It's so hard to pull myself back up after I collapse. I come home from school, and I let go. But even then, I won't let myself cry. I will not let myself just crumble. I just kind of disintegrate into a numb stupor. I know that if I let go, I'll probably never come back. I'll probably be deemed "psychotic" and locked away in a white padded room for the rest of my life. No one knows how sick minded I am, no one knows how I manipulate everyone around me. I plot against people. I plant ideas in people's heads to get my way. They think it was their idea. Know where I learned that from? Him. That sick bastard. I wish I had a gun. No actually, not a gun. I wish I could tie him down and stab him with a knife, and then twist it until he screams and there is blood everywhere. I could slowly kill him.Cut off his limbs one by one, but make sure that he's stays conscious so that he can feel every second of it. Make him feel the hurt that I felt. Because that's exactly what he did to me. Shoved a dagger in my heart and twisted. Slowly killed me. I'm just a ghost of the loving girl I used to be.
See? I'm psychotic.
I hate him for what he did to me. I hate his mother for pushing me away and not accepting me. I wasn't good enough for her. She probably manipulated him into leaving. She tried to manipulate my mother. But my mother saw right through her insanity.
I wish I could go back in time. I wish I had never loved him. I wish I would have said no when he asked me to date him, or go to homecoming with him. You know that saying, It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Yeah, well fuck that. I wish I never loved him. I wish I never even knew his name. I wish he was just some stranger that I never knew. A random customer at Taco Bell, or the guy at the supermarket that holds the door for me. Maybe just some asshole who cut me off on the road, or the guy sitting across from me in the waiting room at the therapist's office. Just a stranger. No one important. I wouldn't care if he got run over by a car.
I don't care if I never see him again. I want him gone. I want him dead. He doesn't even deserve to live. Not after he turned me into this monster.
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