I wish my mind could stay in one place. One thing at a time. One day at a time. I wish there was a depressant for my over active mind.

The worst kind of crying is the silent one. The one when everyone is asleep. The one where you feel it in your throat, and your eyes become blurry from the tears. The one where you just want to scream. The one where you have to hold your breath and grab your stomach to keep quiet. The one where you can't breath anymore.

The one that you realize that the person who meant the most to you is gone.

I'm shaking with grief and pain. Sometimes I just have to sit here and let it sting. Let all the pain sink in for once and just feel it and let myself cry.Think about him and how much I miss him. How my life would be different if he were here with me.

The only way her heart will mend is when she learns to love again...
When will I love again though?

I'm so tired of being so obsessed with you and my broken heart. I just want to be able to wake up one morning and just forget about everything. I'm tired of seeing your face everywhere I go. I'm tired of having to pretend I'm okay. I want to just be okay. What is even wrong with me. You weren't any good for me. You were a douchebag. A complete dick, an emotionally abusive boyfriend. I want to just move on more than anything. How do I get you out of my head?

I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you. I'm sorry I can't give you what you need. I'm sorry I cause you so much sadness and grief. I'm sorry I can't just be better. I don't know what to do. Do I just up and leave? I feel like that's what I need to do, but I also feel like it's my depression talking here.

Maybe we should just go on a break. As much as I despise breaks and don't really believe in them, maybe that's what we need. Or maybe we should just let go.

"I don't know how long this is going to last. Maybe I should just let you go on."

Probably. That's probably what we should do.

What's wrong with me.

And on that day you broke my heart,
you took from me a piece of my soul.
You shot me out of the sky,
and filled my entire world with darkness, loss, and sadness.
I want nothing more than to get over you.
But no one can replace you.
No one can fill this void in my heart.

I wonder if someday, you'll read this blog and truly understand how much you meant to me. I love you.

I miss you honey. I miss you so much. Whenever I think of you, I have to smile through my tears. Because I know you're safe and you're okay, and the life you're living is good! But I cry because I can't live my life with you. I sit here and reminisce on all the good times and I just can't believe you're gone. Please come home. Please. I would do anything to have you here with me.

You are my strength. I know you are out there somewhere. Just seeing your face gives my body an adrenaline rush. I know I will never, ever get over you. But I just have to continue to take it one take at a time. I love you. Forever and always. I promise.